I don’t know if there has ever been a point in my life where I’ve had true intimacy. I’ve never been someone to be forthcoming about my feelings. In my experience it seemed easier to just keep my feelings to myself. I’ve always known how to steer conversations in directions to avoid talking about how I’m really feeling. Now that I’m sober and in recovery, this is something I’ve been working on improving, almost on a daily basis. If I never tell anyone how I’m really feeling, it’s impossible for anyone to gauge where I’m really at.  It’s been difficult for me to let go of this way of hiding from others because this is how I’ve wanted to keep things for a majority of my life.  However, the more I’m able to be open and be intimate with others, the more people will see my true self.  As I’m writing this, I am filled with  fear because I’ve kept that person behind closed doors for so long. Hopefully, with continued work, I will learn to love myself, and this fear of intimacy will finally leave me.