Clean and Sober

Manipulation has a bad reputation, mostly because no one wants to be manipulated and no one wants to be called a manipulator. I believe some of the good things in my life are because of subtle, and sometimes grand, manipulation. Manipulation served me well during my twenty-years of opiate addiction. It helped me get what I needed and keep what I had. My day would begin with texting my drug dealers, asking the price, then pinning them against one another in order to drive the price down. This manipulation was especially important overseas when I was paying south of one thousand dollars for a gram of heroin. I needed manipulation in order to serve my ego, not my highest self. I used It as a survival tool. In the midst of addiction, manipulation appeared to serve me well. Today it doesn’t. Today, I’m doing more than just merely surviving. I get to wake up clean and sober. Today, I am asked to do better because today I know better. I get the opportunity to say I’m clean and sober because I’m learning to no longer flex the muscle that is manipulation. I’m learning to hold myself accountable which is no easy task. I look back and see that my ego may have lost all battles to my disease, but my highest self is winning the war. Manipulation is no longer welcome in my life because I value integrity. I cannot value myself if I am running my life on sheer instinct. I’m sober because of my own hard work, because I welcome help, because of South Orange County Detox and Treatment, and the grace of God. It served me in the past, but today I know better.