Balancing Codependency in Recovery

I am learning to try and be attuned with the people in my life who I care about by being curious about them and by asking how they are doing and feeling. For me, being attuned means learning about another person in order to understand them and what makes them tick. I try to put differences with people aside, and look for similarities. Sometimes I jump too quickly to judgements and I interpret something they said as wrong because my head will only look at the negativity in a situation. I’m working on having patience and understanding with people instead of jumping to conclusions. Also, I learn a lot about people by paying attention to body movements and mannerisms because these are signals as to how they are feeling. With people I deeply care for, I try to read cues and only engage in discussions that will help them feel better, avoiding the things they don’t want to hear. Sometimes this triggers my co-dependency and can steer me into bad places by withholding too much in an effort to please that person. There are a lot of people that say they like constructive criticism but the reality is they do not want this at all. I find that, for me, it’s really difficult to turn off my awareness which allows me to be more attuned to people. Sometimes I feel like my awareness is a radar going off and I feel the need to look away but I’m also learning that there are times where it is healthy to point out things that I’ve noticed in people that I feel attuned to so that they can also be aware and work to change. I didn’t understand my co-dependency until I got to South Orange County Detox and Treatment, where Salina Shuler has shown me that sometimes being nice isn’t actually nice at all! With that being said, the most important thing I can say about attunement is that I’m finally learning to be attuned with myself which has been a journey of self-exploration and fulfillment.