Releasing Control of My Addiction

To me, the best way to define control is having a lack of power. I have experienced control in various ways throughout my life. Most recently my ex-boyfriend of two years was very abusive and controlling. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my coworkers after work, and the few times I did, I experienced the wrath from him. I felt like I had to do whatever he said, due to my codependency issues. I didn’t want to leave him, and I didn’t feel strong enough and I was already used to being treated that way in past relationships. We drank heavily together, and it got to the point where I started drinking very early in the morning and would keep drinking all day until I passed out in the evening. At first it started out as a way to ignore the situation I was in, then my alcohol abuse turned into a full blown addiction. I had no control over my drinking. I had to drink to avoid feeling sick and shaking uncontrollably. I’m delighted to say I’ve begun my journey to sobriety. I also have a problem trying to control situations. I really don’t like having that lack of power. However, now that my brain has starting to become clear, I feel that I have more control over my actions. I’m a work in progress, but I’m so grateful I’m no longer addicted to alcohol and I’m working on becoming emotionally sober in my relationship.