Looking Back at the Destruction I Caused

This week’s word of the week is shame. Shame is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. While I was in my addiction, I completely lost touch of who I was. Once the opiates had control over me, it was more or less consuming every thought I had and action I took. I would do whatever it took to get what I needed regardless of consequences. During that time, I made a lot of terrible choices, hurt a lot of people, burned bridges and destroyed relationships without so much of a second thought. I knew what I was doing and that I was causing destruction, but I did it anyways. My conscience would tell me what I was doing was wrong, but my addiction would force me through those thoughts, almost like it was for survival. After a decade of causing pain and disappointment, I’m now sober looking back at my path of destruction I caused, without being able to cloud my emotions with drugs. I’m overcome with guilt and shame for everything I did in my addiction. I’m hopeful that once I start trying to make amends, some of those feelings may start to go away. But, for today I’m able to mend the damage I’ve caused and fix the bridges I’ve burned. With the work I’m doing I feel that I’m starting to become a better person.