Acting in Self-Love
Being an athlete throughout my life the word action held a quite obvious meaning to me. Action meant running around and playing games. Continuing my active lifestyle, I became a college athlete who received a scholarship to run cross country and track and field for Cal State Fullerton. I had hopes of running fast but due to self-doubt and lack of effort this dream only appeared to be exactly that, a dream. I yearned to be fast, but my actions demonstrated otherwise. I skipped days of practice, constantly ate unhealthy food, and did not get enough rest to replenish my body. Soon enough I began to despise the sport due to the stress and lack of progression. I was in denial, trying to convince myself that somehow, I would achieve my goals and become fast and emotionally healthy without putting effort into my goals.
Seeing as running is a mentally challenging sport, I came to realize that I would not be able to progress as a runner unless I grew mentally. Thus, I decided that I needed to break away from running and take the first step towards my goals by receiving therapeutic help. Ironically, I found a different meaning for the word action when I decided to take a break from being a student athlete. I knew that to reach my goals of performing well in the sport of running I needed to eliminate the emotional barriers that blocked my progression. Upon deep reflection I knew that I would not be able to achieve my goals if I did not act and work on my emotional growth.
The time away from the sport allowed me to regain focus of my goals and why I wanted to achieve them; not for my coach, not for scholarship money, but for myself. Once I started to act in self-love and stopped comparing myself to others I was able to focus on my goals and was able to become a better version of myself and eventually reach my goals as a runner. Ultimately, I realized that my actions determine my future. If I want something I have to do more that just wish for it, I must act on it. It is easy to put the blame for lack of success on outside variables, but true growth comes from within. Once I realized that my own actions determine my results it was clear that I could not achieve my goals unless I worked hard for it.
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”