Surrendering Control in Drug Rehab

Turning My Life Over to God

I know for myself that, in my addiction I tried every imaginable way to control and enjoy my using; attempting to hide my drug use while presenting to my friends and family that I was doing well. Eventually I couldn’t manage the balancing act of living under this duality. It got to the point where I didn’t care anymore and stopped trying to hide it altogether. When I came into drug rehab, the wreckage that I created in my addiction was so overwhelming that it was really difficult for me to have any sense of hope or motivation to dig myself out of the hole I had created. Ironically, the only control I did have, which was little to none, was being open to the help that was being offered to me. I clung to this illusion, that if I surrendered to what I perceived was my only form of independence, I would lose any sense of autonomy. My perception was completely distorted, and I spent a lot of time fighting the very people who were trying to help me piece my life back together. Even in recovery, there are times when I want to revert to these behaviors , however, I am realizing that when these feelings arise, I need to practice acceptance and see what I need to learn about myself and my relationships, and when I need to turn these things over to God.