Rigorous Honesty

Rigorous honesty in something often discussed in recovery, however, in the past it was difficult for me to see its importance.  I spent 14-months in treatment this past year where I had reservations to drink and smoke weed the entire time, but I never discussed it with anyone. The staff and my friends at South Orange County Detox and Treatment all shared that in the past they had the same illusion that they could drink or smoke, which lead all of them to the same outcome of using their drug of choice, heroin. Of course, I came up with a dozen reasons why the outcome would be different for me but, it wasn’t. I overdosed and almost died. I started drinking the weekend after I left treatment then I started smoking marijuana shortly after. After 3-months I overdosed the first time that I tried using Oxy’s again which ended up being pure fentanyl. I overdosed while driving my car and I don’t remember a thing after I snorted the pill. I crashed my car after almost hitting a family head on. The police had to break my window to pull me out of the car and I was hit with Narcan twice. I’m beyond lucky to be alive. Almost dying and losing all of the things that I worked so hard for over the last 18- months hugely shifted my perspective. Coming back into treatment, I’ve made it a point to be rigorously honest and straightforward about my using, cravings, feelings, and emotions. Honestly, I should have been doing this since day one. It’s not always easy for me to be upfront and direct about all of those things, but I know that if I want to stay sober and stay alive this is what I have to do.